The Sauntering Pilgrim

Every year on the Sunday following Easter we read again about the experience of the disciple we call “Doubting Thomas” and his first and life-transforming encounter with the risen Christ (John 20:19-29). And almost every year since I finished seminary I’ve written a letter to Thomas to reconnect with him and his experience (which resonates so much with my experience).

Some people say (I know because I’ve heard them say it) that real faith casts out doubt, but that hasn’t been my experience. My experience aligns with something I heard someone say a long time ago, that only the truly faithful have the courage to doubt.

Sometimes I find that doubt brings my attention back to God when it has wandered. It strengthens the cords that bind my attention to the Mystery that for convenience of reference we have named “God,” Jews have named “Yahweh” or “El Shaddai,” Muslims have named “Allah,” and some Native Americans have named “Gitchi Manitou” – the list goes on – all names for “the blanket we throw over mystery to give it shape,” in the words of Barry Taylor, road manager for AC/DC.

Doubt is not always a bad thing. It can be a good thing if we approach it rightly. So as we approach the story of Thomas this Sunday, I wonder how we can reclaim the value of doubt as an element of our faith. Sorry, but I don’t have an answer here and might not have one Sunday. The best I can do is encourage you to trust doubt’s goodness, and like Jacob wrestled with God or the angel at the river Jabbok (Gen. 32:22-32), trust that wrestling with doubt earnestly and honestly may be what gives you a new name and a new life.