The Sauntering Pilgrim

Occasionally, I take note of obituaries and death notices. It happens with greater frequency now that the days of my life have passed the biblical seventy years (Psalm 90:10). Whether I’m one of those strong enough to pass eighty is yet to be seen, but it has long been perfectly clear to me that those years, whatever their number, “are soon gone, and we fly away.”

Most obituaries, with few exceptions, are soon forgotten, and it’s probably just as well they are. There’s a fine line between a healthy consciousness of one’s mortality and a morbid obsession about one’s death. An exception to the rule of forgetfulness came to me recently in the obituary of Brian Ellsworth Eldridge (1947-2023). It was one that collapsed the polarities between remembering my mortality and remembering the importance of choosing how to be alive, and I won’t soon forget it. Here it is in its entirety, written by his brother Steve, as it appeared in the St. Paul, Minn., Pioneer Press.

“Brian was a quiet shy boy and man. He was bullied as a child and teenager because of his shyness and vulnerability. As an adult he didn’t fit in. He never learned to use a computer or a cell phone, which kept him from applying for most jobs. He worked and supported himself through paper routes, aluminum can recycling and janitorial work. He was exploited by employers. His last job, was cleaning a bingo hall at midnight for $10 per hour 7 nights a week 364 days a year with just less than the minimum weekly hours to have any rights or benefits. His employer fired him on Christmas Eve with no notice. He had worked there for over 15 years. He had no friends or family who kept up with him. He was quiet, smart, generous and lonely. When found in his apartment he had been dead at least 4 days. I’ll miss him.”

Remembering my mortality always tips me toward considering better priorities and making better choices in life. And one of those choices involves asking, in the words of one who commented on this obituary, “Have I been kind to everyone in life? Our true duty on this earth is to be each others’ keeper” – especially the Brian Eldridges who are all around us. There’s a proverb in both Jewish and Islamic traditions that says whoever saves one life saves the world. Surely it is also true that whoever changes one life through kindness changes the world and makes it a little kinder. Tempus fugit, memento mori, carpe diem.